feedburner
Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

feedburner count

How can I build towards my marriage and let go of my past?

Labels:




Sincerely


I am currently 15 weeks pregnant with my second child. I have a 1 year old son from a guy who, abandoned us after I wouldn't abort. And I have supported my child alone since. I met this wonderful guy when I was still 7 months pregnant with my son---and him and I have dated for over a year. We're now engaged and expecting a child together. He is a GREAT GUY. Always attentive, supportive, loving---yet I am still harboring a lot of anger and pain from my son's father. I know I need to move on, but it is hard. My son's father got another girl pregnant, 3 months after me so my son has a half-sister and I recently saw her picture for the first time and she is a splitting image of him. This is hurtful only because after my son was born and even before---the father constantly harassed me about not thinking the baby was his. And because I am a fair-skin lady, my son is very fair skin (like me) and his father is brown skin. I feel like, he rejected his son based on how much more his daughter favored him in comparison and I have always secretly believed, he is taking care of his daughter and was in a romantic relationship with the mother of his daughter. That is very hurtful, because I feel like my son is trash to him. And it effects the way I am able to connect with my current boyfriend and this pregnancy. Any advice on how to actually HEAL from this, maybe I need counseling or to do some activities to rebuild my self-worth.


Answer
Acceptance is the key to most of life's problems. Once you accept your situation for what it is then you will begin to heal. You met a guy who obviously attracted you. The world is full of people who don't make since. There are many people out there who are complete A-holes. He sounds like one of these. Once you accept him for what he is, he certainly isn't someone who requires a ton of thought in my opinion, then you can let it go. He told you he didn't want your baby, painful but true. There is no reason to confuse yourself over this. Does the other woman have money or more to offer him? There is something there that he connects to or not - you don't know what his feelings are for this other person or baby. If she is getting support from him, she probably requested it through the court system. You can do this also. You can't make him be a descent person or make him have a relationship with your son but you can make him pay. If you have a loving man in your life now who loves your little boy, the best thing you can do for your son is to cherish this new man and have a family for your children to grow up in.

Is my Marriage ending? Can dealing with health issues lead to this?




Karen R.


I have been married 8 months now and its seems that everything is going down the drain. We have been together for 2 years since we were a couple. Everything was okay the whole time until we started to get our own place 4 months after our marriage. January of 2012 we started looking for an apartment that best suits our needs and by February we found what we both wanted. We have dedicated our extra time in fixing the apartment before we move in the following month. BOTTOM LINE IS WE BOTH GOT BUSY SO THERE NEVER WAS A TIME FOR GOING OUT AND THE LIKE. A week before moving in was the start of our marriage crisis. I discovered that I had vaginal discharge , went to the doctor , got a normal pap and found out that I had Chlamydia. He got himself checked and he was NEGATIVE. I found it very odd because it is obviously an STD. I did not cheat nor did he. So the following weeks we left the issue alone cause it might be a false negative or whatever. Then, 2 weeks or so he discovered a bump or 2 on his penis and got scared. He got himself checked and was assumed as a Genital wart - HPV, doctor prescribed Aldara. Since then it has been an issue that I gave him this virus which leaves me emotionally unstable for I dont know HOW and WHY I got such diseases. So clearly our relationship was cold. Early May, I left my job for my boss sexually harassed me. Got stressed out + the Health issues + Marital problems = Depression. On the other hand, he was seeing another doctor, doctor said it were' not warts and was just skin irritations that lead to something like that, that is is- if he is not HPV positive. The next day He then, also advised me to get myself checked again. Now, I had another normal pap test plus HPV test in the beginning of June and came back as me having LOW RISK HPV. I was shattered because I cannot find the answers of why and how i got it. I went to another doctor, gave me a lecture on HPV which I fully understood the problem now is how will I get him understand this? When all the blame is on me. Fact about HPV is that its so common and 80% of Women will come across it at some point of their lives. Divided into 2 types, LOW RISK and HIGH RISK. Low risk is NOT cancerous but those are the HPV Strands that cause Genital Warts. I, myself have no genital warts then he was told mistakenly diagnosed as having genital warts. So what now? I am so confused for I want nothing but to save this marriage. Ive never been a bad/cheating gf and wife to him. I have supported him in whatever what he wants to do with his life like his online schooling and joining marathons. When he lost his job last year, i always did things to keep him positive and etc etc. I took care of him well when he had his hand surgery. Although i have flosses , i admit i also have mistakes and I nag which i believe is a nature of a women. I am stuck in this situation that has no answers, Im emotionally battered, frustrated and confused. June 30th was my birthday, was all alone in the apartment on the eve of my b day -crying. He took me out for dinner and some drinks which I very much appreciated despite all of whats going on. The next day, he had a race and he has to wake up at 7am to warm himself up and etc for the 10am race. I did wake him up ( i was half a sleep , still kinda drunk, went back to bed) but he did not wake up. When i woke up I realized it was already 9am he rushed to get to the place but he missed his race. Again, the blame was on me. He came back home, packed his bags and said he's needs space. He left July 1 and is now July 11 and he's still not back. I honestly felt I was abandoned. I have been beside him during his tough times like last year. But now its me facing tough challenges but I am left alone. I have been very patient and understanding that he has a 7 yr old child which have no idea that i exist, his family doesn't know that were married except his brother. I understand his reasons but now these health problems?!!? I feel so invincible. I'm scared to talk about it with my family because I am embarrassed. That is why I am here right now, asking what would be your views or advice for me. What I have been doing right now is just fighting the fear and keeping myself busy, learning new stuff, going to job interviews and etc etc. But still by the end of the day, the issue crosses my mind. I miss him so much. I want to save this marriage. I really do. Its been very tough for me. Please give me some advice It would be great and I would very much appreciate it.


Answer
I'd have to question his honesty about the STD. If he can't tell his family about you then I'd have to wonder what the reason is for that too. Seems to be lies all around.
I feel for you, really. I had one of those false negatives which caused a lot of pain for both of us and then found out that he WAS cheating. In fact, he had another life in a foreign country.
You can't control how he thinks, what he does or how he feels but you can control how you think and feel. I see that there's health issues which tells me that you guys have a lot of negative emotions and thoughts. They've been going on for a long time. You need to change that around for yourself. You made yourself sick and now you can make yourself better.
It's a lot to explain on this venue so I'd love for you to learn how to get better by listening to someone on YouTube or reading their books. But, begin on YouTube and search Abraham-Hicks on The Law of Attraction, then Health and then Relationships. I really think it will help you to feel better and understand how this all happened.
Another book that may help is Relationship Stratagies, The E & P Attraction by John G. Kappas




Powered by Yahoo! Answers

0 comments:

Post a Comment